yes… your dream guy really does exist
disclaimer: my work is satire 👹 as Cher once said “I love men” 💋
Want a bad boy? An intellectual? An athlete? A mama’s boy? A jokester?
Well, I have a treat for you.
I present: Tucker.
Reason #1 why Tucker is a dream man: He doesn’t talk, he listens
You know how some people like to give you their opinion on literally everything… and you just didn’t ask. They think they know better, but usually they don’t #mansplaining. Well, conveniently, Tucker cannot talk! Thus, he has no chance to talk back… perfect. ALTHOUGH, he doessss listen on his own recognizance, so I guess he is well trained. And no, I wasn’t aware that men could be good listeners either, but you learn something new every day.
Reason #2: He is hygienic
Some of y’all have to worry about if your man ACTUALLY uses soap when he showers….
side eye….
That’s literally all I have to say about his one. If Tucker can lick his entire body to stay clean, then your man can use soap. Your standards should be higher than a 4-legged creature who uses a tongue to wash themselves. BFFR.
Reason #3: He allows me to dress him as I please
Well… kinda
Ladies, let’s be real… how many men do you know who can actually dress? I think I can count them on one hand. And boys who can actually dress, how does it feel to be one of the people counted on my hand? Truly an honor to be represented in such a selective group.
But at the end of the day…. the best kind of man is the one who just lets you dress him yourself i.e. Tucker.
They can’t be trusted to make those decisions on their own.
Reason #4: He has a goofy side
He matches my energy….
He makes silly faces…
And, he makes me laugh. What’s better than a man who can make you laugh? A funny man is a rare specimen… often the word “man” is preceded by not so complimentary adjectives (I will spare your time by not listing them all here)…. but every once and a while there are some positive attributes that get thrown into the mix. Not often, but I suppose it can happen. Although, this one in a billion occurrence of having positive male traits was given to Tucker… so you should probably start looking outside of the country if you want another good one.
Reason #5: He deals with my bullish*t and makes me remember my worth
Okay, so as much as I have enjoyed making jokes about shitty men and their flaws, I would like to say that I also have my own flaws. For example: being too perfect. It’s truly hard dealing with that on a daily basis and some of my ladies out there may have to deal the same struggle.
LOL
But, seriously. My personality can be a lot… for some people it can be too much. But, if you’ve ever thought your personality was too big because of the way a man has made you feel, I just want you to know, they are insecure ASFFFFF. Only insecure men can make a gorgeous, smart, funny, amazing woman feel bad about herself… and those men are truly not worth it.
(Personally, Tucker has never made me feel this way. Find a man like Tucker. )
If you are reading this, whether I know you personally or not…
Whether you are a dude, chick, neither, both, or anything in between…
I love you. And I hope you find someone worth your time; someone who sees your value. I happen to think you’re pretty great🤭 AND I AM SINGLE IF YOU ARE INTERESTED😏😉
*cough cough… both ladies and men welcome to inquire🥸
If you want to read my last post… click here
love ya❤️
-S